Entry # 78: January 21, 2007

Mainz, Germany

You learn something new every day. I learned something very interesting and quite unsettling today. I am allergic to mint.

For some (perhaps many) of you, that probably comes as no surprise. I know you’re thinking to yourselves “So that’s why his breath is always so awful” and my ex-girlfriends finally have a valid reason for our break-ups—“When we kissed, his technique was sublime, but there was that thing.” Well, I discovered that thing. That thing is mint.

Ok, so perhaps I was a bit harsh on myself. It’s not mint per se that I am allergic to, but rather the fresh pressed, right off the plant mint. I’ve been using Listerine my entire post-pubescent life with no consequences and that is about as minty as it gets. Tonight, I had a great conversation with my parents. We talk often, but tonight seemed to be an especially fruitful conversation. Therefore I did the logical thing. Hearing their lovely Southern voices reminded me of fried okra, hot wings, and mint juleps. I didn’t have the first two, but I did have the ingredients of the last one.

So I made a mint julep. I’ve never made a home made one before, but I do keep fresh mint sprigs handy, because they do smell nice. I took a highball glass from my cabinet, picked some mint sprigs and crushed them in the bottom of the glass with a wooden spoon. Next I added crushed ice, poured some pure white cane sugar on top, generously added some bourbon, and topped it off with a bit of club soda. It was a delicious concoction.

It was so delicious, I decided to have one more. After enjoying the experience of the second one, I walked past a mirror. I stopped. “Wow”, I thought to myself, “I look a little red. Maybe I got a bit of winter bite on my walk this evening.” However, despite the initial conclusion, I decided to investigate further. This was no ordinary red. It was a cranberry shade born on the beaches of Charleston after sunbathing for one hour too many. And yet, I am in Germany in the middle of winter.

It was a case of hives. I wasn’t 100% sure, so to confirm my suspicions, I had another mint julep. After that one, my face was not alone. My neck, my shoulders, and my upper back and chest had joined the fray. I have endured many operations in my short life. I broke my leg playing soccer and had multiple surgeries and operations to ensure I had two straight legs to walk on. I am in the Army now. I endure countless physical inspections per year. Each time I see a doctor, they hand me a sheet of paper on a clipboard which inevitably asks, “Do you have any allergies?” I used to answer no.

Now, I guess I must tell the truth. I am allergic to fresh mint. Thank God mouthwash has a process which eliminates the freshness of it, or else I’d definitely remain a bachelor for eternity. Really, though, who is allergic to fresh mint? I’m scratching my head at the thought of it, both in due to the irritation brought on by the lively, green leaves of the now forbidden plant and the countless tests done upon me by the professionals of the medical field. If mint is so great an herb, shouldn’t it actually heal or be otherwise meaningful? Give me rosemary or pepper any day over mint. At least it makes barbeque taste better.

And it makes a Bloody Mary divine.