Entry # 53: June 17, 2006

Camp Buehring, Kuwait (Somewhere near the Iraq border)

It’s make or break time for the U.S. national team. After being embarrassed by the Czech Republic 3-0 in our first match, we’ve got to prove that we’re not overrated and worthy to be in the Cup. We play the Ravioli boys of Rome, also known as the Italian team, or you could call them the Azzuri as national Italians call them, a reference to the blue shirts the team traditionally wears.

One thing the U.S. team is lacking, besides a win so far, is a great nickname. We’ve been called the Yanks, the Nats, as in Nationals, the Continentals, or simply, the Red, White, and Blue. I’m offended by the nickname Yanks, cause I’m not one and I’m pretty sure Cletus (Clint Mathis, a native Georgian who hails from my hometown) of 2002 World Cup fame objected to that moniker as well. The Nats, well, it sounds too much like that pesky, bird-sized inhabitant of South Georgia. Annoying, yes, menacing, no. Who came up with that one? They should be locked in a closet full of gnats, stark naked, with honey all over their body. I don’t like the name Continentals almost for the same reason I don’t like Yanks. I’m not offended by it, but we do have a Hawaiian (Brian Ching) on the national team now. It just doesn’t apply to everyone. I guess it could be altered to The Continentals and the Pacific Two, but that’s a bit of a stretch. Some countries do call their team by a prominent color or colors that has historical background to the country (i.e. the Dutch are the Orange, Mexico is el Tricolores, and of course, the Italian Azzuri). But three colors?! That’s a bit much and we can’t use Tricolors since the Mexicans got it first. Send all suggestions to newcastleutd20@hotmail.com. I will choose the winning selection and pass it onto the appropriate authorities (it’s the select few soccer writers in the US). Don’t worry I will give you full credit for coming up with it.

So tonight, the U.S. plays the Azzuri (see how boring that first bit is). I’ll keep a running journal updating my reactions and feelings as the game progresses.

1712: So I just tried convincing Shawn to join me in watching the game with me. I guaranteed him that he would remember this game for the rest of his life. He responded with, “I’m gonna take a dump in your bed. I guarantee you’ll remember that.” Damn Yanks.

1758: Just finished playing U.S. versus Italy in FIFA 06 on my new PSP (Playstation Portable). A solid win for the U.S., taking it 1-0 over the linguini losers, thanks to an early goal by Brian McBride in the 3rd minute and a red card on Christian Panucci in the 32nd. I’ll take this as a good omen of things to come.

2045: Shawn and I just picked up some Subway sandwiches where Shawn got into an argument with the Kuwaiti over the price of chocolate chip cookies. They have a deal where the cookies are 3 for $1.20. Shawn orders two, then changes his mind for the three. The Kuwait charges him 50 cents a cookie. “What about the deal?” says Shawn. “Sorry sir, I already punched in two, then I add the third. It is $1.50 total.” Shawn replies, “So if I had ordered three at the same time I would have gotten the deal, but since I ordered slow, I get ripped off.” “That’s correct, sir.”

2110: We get to the tent where the game will be shown and are told that Ghana has defeated the Czech Republic 2-0. If we beat Italy, this group is wide open. To boost my hopes even more, the network is showing the U.S. vs. Portugal game from the 2002 World Cup where we shocked the world by winning 3-2 and advancing to the quarterfinals.

2117: Shocking news. Shawn owns a soccer jersey. “Dude, it’s even got my name on the back.” “You mean to tell me you have a German jersey with Fitzgerald on the back?” “Yup.” 2158: The national anthem is played. The players all sing along except Claudio Reyna. He has this fierce look of determination. I’m thinking he just might play a legendary game.

2202: Kick off.

2207: Yellow card on the Italians. I’m loving it. The crowd is definitely pro-American, probably even more so than the games we play in our own stadiums. There is definitely a contingent of Soldiers and Airmen from the local base in Kaiserslautern in attendance. It seems the boys on the field are showing some fire.

2215: Cherundolo gets called for an iffy foul. Four Italians are offside on the freekick. They’re not paying attention already. I think they’re afraid of losing.

2216: Foul on Convey just outside the box. Good hustle from the Americans, especially Convey. He hits the wall on the free kick. We get a corner.

2218: Good cross from the right that trickles to Convey. He shanks it over the goal. That would have been an ideal way to start the game.

2222: Pope gets called for a foul. He gets a yellow. Decent call, don’t know about the yellow.

2224: Goal for Italy off a free kick. Never should happened. Someone lost their man. We have to score real quick to get momentum back.

2229: GOAL USA!!! It’s an own goal, but Convey was there to put it in if the Italian hadn’t done the job for him.

2230: Red card on Italy to de Rossi. Vicious elbow on McBride. McBride is bleeding profusely. Well deserved red card. McBride is the toughest man on the US team. He’ll be back and he’ll probably score.

2233: Close call for the US. Luca Toni almost slipped one by Keller. We need to capitalize on the red card.

2237: Totti comes off and Gattuso comes in and promptly fires one past Keller, but the Italians are offside again.

2243: Brilliant shot by Mastroeni. If that ball dips sooner, US have the lead.

2245: The Americans are taking it to the Italians. Reyna is dominating this game. He owns it.

2246: Red card on the Americans. Bad call. Mastroeni deserved a yellow, definitely not a red. We got robbed. De Rossi had a vicious elbow to McBride, Mastroeni was simply late on a tackle. This ref is losing it. His cards are getting more of a workout than Richard Simmons in “Sweating It to the Oldies”.

2249: Halftime.

2305: Game on. The most important goal of almost any game is the first goal of the second half. Let’s pray it’s the US who gets it.

2306: Ridiculous call in giving Pope another yellow. It’s his second and he’s gone. This ref hasn’t a clue. I talked to my brother at halftime. His suggestion of hiring a hitman for the ref is looking better. These Italians are made of whine glasses.

2311: Substitution for the US. Jimmy Conrad comes in for Convey. I don’t like this choice. Conrad shouldn’t even be on the national team and Convey is one of our best attackers.

2314: Me: “Some Italian is gonna get his @$$ kicked by some joe tonight. It’s gonna be awesome.” That pretty much sums up my feelings right now.

2320: The US is beginning to look tired. We need an energy boost. I think now is a good time for Beasley.

2322: I am a soccer prophet sending messages to Bruce Arena. He puts on Beasley.

2323: Donovan has a great run and lays it off to McBride who puts it wide. We need more of this energy from Donovan. It’s about time he shows up.

2325: Beasley fires the ball home. GOAL USA!!! Wait. McBride was offside and involved in the play. Bad luck. We’ll get it back.

2328: Zambrotta gets a good shot off for the Italians. It’s close. Zambrotta hasn’t scored in six years the announcer informs me. Let’s hope the drought goes for another six.

2332: Keller makes the save of the game. Brilliant. He is one of the top keepers in the world.

2335: The announcer just makes a telling statement. “The Italians are looking for a way past these nine resolute men representing the United States.” They can’t beat us. Unlike our opponents, we never surrender. It’s like the old Army joke, “Sir, we’re surrounded.” “Good. Now I know in what direction to attack them.”

2338: Keller makes another great save. He’s a rock back there.

2342: Everyone on the field looks tired, but it looks like the US wants it more. One goal, just one goal is all we need.

2349: Three minutes of injury time will be played. Stay strong men.

2350: Close call. Too close. Three minutes to immortality.

2352: Cross in from the Italians. Keller snags it. One point will be better than none.

2353: The game is over. It’s a tie. The USA has to beat Ghana and Italy has to beat Czech Republic for us to advance. Unfortunately, Brazil awaits second place in the Round of 16.

I wish I was in Germany. And so the Soldier’s life continues…