Entry #38: April 10, 2006

Camp Buehring, Kuwait (Somewhere near the Iraq border)

My Mom, loving her eldest son so much, sends me movies. Sometimes, I wonder if she has secret motives behind each movie. She sent me a standard chick flick titled “The Wedding Date” starring the lovely Debra Messing. Well, options are limited in the desert, so I eventually watched it. Throughout the entire movie, I found myself stretching and putting my arm around thin air. Motive = Reminding son he’s single. Actually, I think my Mom, being the eternal optimist, was hoping that I would watch it with a lovely lady. Now, Shawn isn’t a lady. Nor is he lovely. Guys don’t watch chick flicks with other guys unless there is a greater or equal number of ladies present. That is the first rule of guys and chick flicks.

My Mom also sent me “Spanglish”. A chick flick with no real romance. It’s got a broken marriage and a woman who is fighting for control of her daughter. This is an absolute no-go for males. The second rule regarding guys and chick flicks is if you’re gonna watch a chick flick, there better be something to get your woman’s motor runnin’. If you’re gonna bear the burden of watching such a movie for two hours, the least you should expect is to have your fair maiden batting her eyes at you in the faintest hope that you are her Mr. Right Now for Romance. That’s the only reason we watch the things in the first place.

The latest movie my Mom sent me was “Walk the Line”. Now that is a good movie for a date. I don’t condone divorce, but it did seem like a travesty that Johnny Cash didn’t meet June Carter before he was married. This had everything. They had their ups and downs. Relationships aren’t always pretty. There are rough moments and it was refreshing to have a movie that didn’t show everything being fantasyland. The Man in Black wasn’t exactly Prince Charming, but he was a man. A man without flaws he was not. Just like the rest of us. You see, the third rule of chick flicks is don’t watch a movie with a male character so infallible that she expects you to be just like him. Ladies, don’t expect us to be George Clooney if you ain’t willing to be Julia Roberts. The difference is we don’t really expect you to be Julia Roberts. We like the imperfections. That’s part of the attraction. For some reason, ladies find it obscene that we, men, drink beer a lot, hang out with other guys too late, tell jokes too loud, and fart under the covers. I am what I am. Do not compare me to some guy in a chick flick. I have chest hair. I smell funny after I work out. Apparently, I say the wrong thing most of the time.

God bless the woman who settles for me. My Mom also tells me frequently that she prays for the woman I will eventually marry, whoever she may be. I’m glad she does, because that lady will need a lot of praying for putting up with me. Some of y’all might wanna help her out and chip in, maybe form a prayer circle or something. Every little bit helps. And so the Soldier’s life continues…