Entry # 27: January 26, 2006

Somewhere over Iraq, Turkey, the Mediterranean, the Balkans, not really sure

I just had a revelation. I’ll be home for the Super Bowl. It’s the first post-college chance that I will get to experience the entire spectacle that is the Super Bowl. Plus, it’s not just any Super Bowl, it’s Super Bowl XL. I saw the Super Bowl last year, but remember I said “entire spectacle”, which includes more than the game. You see, I saw last year’s Super Bowl on AFN (Armed Forces Network) which does not show commercials as to show the government’s impartiality on such things. However, I’m like 80 million of the 100 million people who watch the annual battle of the behemoths. If my team ain’t playing and I was smart enough not to bet on the game, then all I’m concerned with are the commercials.

We all have our favorite commercials. It seems the ones that always seem to stick with me are the Budweiser ones. Whether it’s the Bud-Wei-Ser Frogs, Louie the Lizard and the Ferret, the Donkey (I’ll show you why I’m qualified to be a Clydesdale), or the Ugly Dog with a helpful trick, those are the ones I look forward to. Since Budweiser always uses animals in its ads, I figured I should help them out a bit on their marketing budget and offer some suggestions for free.

1.The Badger. You’ve heard stories about cornering these critters. They get as mad a seventy-year old man after he stomps out the flaming dog poo bag for the 5th night in a row. Ever heard of anyone surviving a fight with a badger after cornering it? I sure as heck haven’t. Ever heard of anyone surviving a fight with a cornered man clutching his last beer? Ok, I have, but it’s a good concept.

2.The Platypus. No clue what the commercial would be about, but it has a platypus. I’ve never seen one of these things in a commercial, so it’s guaranteed to be edgy in the Budweiser tradition.

3.An Orca. We’ve all seen Free Willy. Even if you won’t admit it, you’ve seen it. This killer whale can leap out of the water, and snatch a mackerel hanging from the trainer’s mouth with its razor sharp teeth. I wonder if ole Willy could do that with a bottle of Budweiser?

4.Cows. Think about this. There’s a party in a field somewhere. It could be Iowa, Montana, Vermont, or Georgia. There’s a keg of Budweiser. All these folks are having a good time and then the Cops show up. Party over, everyone has to leave. Wait, wait. Someone forgot the full keg of Bud. Bad form. The Cows seize the opportunity and have a heck of a time. Next scene, a group of cows stumbling back toward their home pasture. The slogan, “Party til the Cows Come Home”. Hey, I like it. Just picture two cows holding the hooves of a third while he does a keg stand. I’m giggling just thinking about it.

So take note, Budweiser marketing department. Call me a marketing prodigy and fork over the big bucks, or just laugh at me until Miller or Coors takes me up on this stuff. Meanwhile, I’ll keep my day job so I can afford to keep y’all in business.